Why 'Just Talk to Someone' Is Not Enough at Work

Most workplace mental health strategies sound supportive on the surface.

“If you’re struggling, just talk to someone.”

It’s a nice sentiment. But in practice, it often fails.

Not because people don’t want help, but because the system assumes they’ll access it the way it's offered. Therapy sessions, helplines, or scheduled calls all require the person to be ready, able, and willing to open up. For many, that’s too high a bar.

The result? Silence, struggle behind the scenes, and sometimes, real damage.

In this piece, I want to explain why that happens, not from a generic HR angle, but from the ground up. What actually stops people from speaking up? Why does the support we have so often miss the mark?

And what would it take to genuinely offer something better?

Let’s start with the most overlooked piece:

The Psychological Barriers to Speaking Up

Support only works if people can access it. And most of what we call “support”, EAPs, open-door policies, manager check-ins, depends on the person taking the first step.

But for many, that step is near-impossible.

Trauma responses don’t care about protocol. People who’ve experienced abuse, financial, emotional, or psychological, often learn that asking for help isn’t safe. That voicing needs leads to punishment, and that silence is survival. These aren’t just beliefs, they’re nervous system imprints.

So when someone like that is told, “You just need to reach out,” it misses the point entirely. It puts the responsibility on the most vulnerable person in the equation, and when they don’t engage, we treat it as apathy or resistance, rather than a sign that the system itself is failing them.

Power dynamics matter. Imagine disclosing mental health struggles to your line manager, someone who decides your performance reviews, promotions, or whether you’re next in line for redundancy. It’s not just awkward, it’s risky.

Even in supposedly “safe” environments, this power imbalance creates friction. People weigh up their options and stay quiet, not because they don’t need support, but because they’ve learned to protect themselves.

Timing is everything. When support comes in fixed windows, appointments, scheduled calls, office hours, it assumes people are ready when the support is available. But real-life struggle doesn’t follow a calendar.

The panic attack happens after hours, the stress hits during a meeting, the sense of overwhelm builds on a Sunday afternoon. So when someone does build the courage to ask for help, they might wait days or weeks to actually be seen, and some don’t make it that far.

Not everyone feels entitled to help. Some people, particularly those who’ve spent years caring for others, have internalised the belief that their own needs come last. That others have it worse, that they should be able to cope. They downplay what they’re facing, even to themselves, and when they don’t speak up, it’s not because they’re fine, it’s because they’ve been conditioned not to cause trouble.

And when none of that is recognised… It reinforces the idea that support isn’t for “people like me.” That struggle is a personal failure, and that silence is the only safe option.

Where Traditional Support Falls Short

This isn’t an attack on therapy, employee assistance programmes (EAPs), or in-house wellbeing schemes. When they work, they’re valuable. But too often, they don’t.

Not because of bad intent, but because they’re built on assumptions that don’t match how people actually experience struggle.

1. Therapy isn’t always accessible Wait times are long, costs are high, and for many, it feels like a luxury, not a right. Even when workplaces offer funded therapy, it’s often limited to six sessions a year, hardly enough to unravel years of stress or trauma.

There’s also the issue of availability. Sessions need to be booked, scheduled, and kept. That assumes someone is well enough to stay on top of admin, turn up at the right time, and speak clearly about what’s going on. That’s not always the case, especially not in the middle of a mental health spiral.

2. EAPs are underused for a reason Most EAPs look great on paper. Free sessions, confidential calls, a 24/7 number. But uptake is often shockingly low, not because people don’t need help, but because the barriers to using them remain.

First, they’re rarely anonymous. Even when promised confidentiality, employees often fear being ‘flagged’ or judged. There’s a lingering distrust around how truly private these services are, especially in corporate environments where everything feels trackable.

Second, they’re rigid. People often get a limited number of sessions per year, and may need to explain themselves to multiple gatekeepers before even reaching a therapist. If they miss a call, they’re back to square one.

And third, EAPs are often run by outsourced providers who don’t understand the context the person is operating in. That makes it harder to build rapport, and easier for someone to feel dismissed or misunderstood.

3. Support systems assume people will speak As explored in the previous section, many people won’t, or can’t, and the more trauma, cultural pressure, or workplace power dynamics they’re navigating, the harder it becomes.

So what happens in those spaces, where traditional support is technically available, but practically unusable?

Nothing, and that’s the problem.

Further Psychological Barriers to Speaking Up

When organisations tell staff, “If you’re struggling, just talk to someone,” the intention is good, but the delivery often fails. Because for many people, talking isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s impossible.

There are a range of psychological and emotional barriers that stop people from using support systems, even when they’re visibly struggling:

1. Fear of judgement Despite the increase in mental health awareness campaigns, stigma remains a powerful silencer. Employees often worry that speaking up will lead to being seen as weak, unreliable, or not cut out for the role. In one UK study, over 60% of employees said they would not disclose a mental health issue to their employer out of fear it would affect their job security or career progression (Business in the Community, 2021).

2. Shame and internalised self-criticism For many, there’s a deeply embedded belief that struggling is a personal failure. They tell themselves they should be coping, others have it worse, or they’re just “not trying hard enough.” This inner narrative makes it feel inappropriate, even shameful, to seek help.

3. Previous trauma or abuse For those with a history of coercion, gaslighting, or psychological abuse (including in previous workplaces), being asked to “talk to someone” can feel like an emotional ambush. Relationships of power, even well-meaning ones, can mimic the dynamics of past harm. That includes HR, managers, or even EAP therapists.

4. Lack of trust in confidentiality If someone’s been burned before, a private conversation repeated, or concerns dismissed, they’re less likely to try again. Confidentiality isn’t just a policy, it’s a felt sense of safety, and once that’s broken, trust is hard to rebuild.

5. Emotional overload or decision fatigue In high-stress environments, people are already running on empty. Choosing a support route, booking a time, and showing up for a vulnerable conversation can feel like yet another task in a long list. As a result, many default to doing nothing.

The Value of Prevention

One of the most underused concepts in workplace mental health is prevention.

Most organisations are still stuck in a reactive loop, offering support only once someone raises a flag. But that doesn’t work for everyone. Many people never raise that flag at all. In fact, research from Deloitte (2022) found that nearly 50% of employees who took time off for mental health didn’t tell their employer the real reason.

When support becomes something proactive, like a private space to check in, clarify thoughts, or process before things escalate, outcomes shift. Fewer crises, less burnout, earlier insight, and better recovery.

Digital Partners make prevention possible because they are easy to access and require no disclosure, scheduling, or explanation. That kind of availability matters more than most companies realise.

Cultural, Gendered and Personality-Driven Reluctance

Even when support is readily available, not everyone uses it. Personality, background, and past experience all shape how, or whether, people reach out.

Men are statistically less likely to seek mental health support, especially in workplace settings. Certain cultural or religious communities may carry additional stigma around discussing mental health.

Introverted, highly independent or neurodivergent individuals may also resist face-to-face support. The expectation to explain, to emotionally perform, or to fit into a neurotypical communication style can make in-person support feel more taxing than helpful. Digital Partners remove the interpersonal pressure, and allow these users to process at their own pace, in their own language, with no social filtering required.

By acknowledging that reluctance isn’t resistance, but often a mismatch between support and user preferences, we can begin to offer alternatives that don’t require people to change who they are in order to receive help. (Mental Health Foundation, 2023; Mind, 2021)

The Limits of EAPs

Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs) are often positioned as the backbone of workplace mental health support. On paper, they offer a range of services: counselling, legal advice, financial guidance, and more. But in practice, they’re frequently underutilised, and often fail to meet the needs of the people they’re designed to support.

One reason is access. Many EAPs operate during standard business hours, making it difficult for shift workers, parents, or those in demanding roles to engage without logistical hurdles. While some offer 24/7 hotlines, the reality is that these services are often overwhelmed, leading to long waits or rushed conversations (CIPD, 2021; Deloitte, 2022).

There’s also the issue of limits. Most EAPs cap the number of sessions an employee can access per year, often at six or fewer. That’s barely enough to build rapport, let alone address a complex or ongoing issue. Once those sessions are used, employees are either referred elsewhere or left to navigate support systems alone (Employee Benefits, 2022).

Confidentiality concerns can further reduce uptake. Despite assurances, many employees remain wary of how “anonymous” their use of an employer-funded service really is. In some cases, even the act of booking a session feels too exposing, especially in smaller teams or tightly knit workplaces (Mind, 2020).

And then there’s relevance. EAPs often rely on generic materials and one-size-fits-all advice. That might serve as a useful starting point, but it rarely addresses the nuance or emotional depth that most people need when they’re struggling. The outcome is a support offer that looks good in a policy document but fails to resonate in real life.

Digital Partners were designed to fill those gaps, not by necessarily replacing EAPs, but by providing a more flexible, less formal, and more human way to support people before, during, or after crisis points.

What Meaningful Support Actually Looks Like

When organisations default to “just talk to someone,” they overlook the complex web of barriers that prevent many people from doing exactly that. Fear of judgement, prior trauma, personality traits, cultural norms, power dynamics, and a lack of time or privacy all contribute to silence, and it’s in that silence that stress becomes crisis.

Support needs to be more than available. It needs to be accessible, psychologically safe, and grounded in the real-world complexity of human experience. That’s what Digital Partners were built for.

Rather than acting as a standalone solution, they complement, and in some cases replace, traditional approaches by offering something that many existing tools don’t: agency, privacy, immediacy, and relevance.

We explored in our previous article Why Mental Health at Work Needs Better Tools how these tools are already reshaping workplace wellbeing. But what’s equally important is understanding why they’re being used. Because when people choose a support option, rather than being forced or persuaded into it, they’re far more likely to use it consistently, and that’s what drives real outcomes.

If organisations want to create cultures of care that actually work, they must look beyond slogans and token support. That starts by recognising where existing systems fall short, and taking seriously the need for tools that meet people where they are.

For more on how we can help support your therapy, coaching, or wellbeing business, your business or organisation, visit mindmotive.co.uk or contact us at team@mindmotive.co.uk.

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References

Mental Health Foundation. (2023). Mental Health Statistics: Men and Mental Health. Retrieved from: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Mind. (2023). Barriers to Accessing Mental Health Support. Retrieved from: https://www.mind.org.uk

CIPD. (2022). Health and Wellbeing at Work Survey Report. Retrieved from: https://www.cipd.org

Business in the Community. (2023). Mental Health at Work Report. Retrieved from: https://www.bitc.org.uk

BACP. (2022). Understanding the Limits of EAP Services. Retrieved from: https://www.bacp.co.uk

NHS Digital. (2022). Mental Health of Children and Young People in England. Retrieved from: https://digital.nhs.uk

World Health Organization. (2022). Mental Health in the Workplace. Retrieved from: https://www.who.int

McKinsey Health Institute. (2023). Addressing Workforce Mental Health. Retrieved from: https://www.mckinsey.com

Centre for Mental Health. (2023). Prevention in Mental Health. Retrieved from: https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk